Marriages in Kashmir
The marriages in kashmir are decided mainly by parents. Although in the past the will of boy and girl was hardly taken into consideration but now full freedom of choice is given to them. The old trend of not consulting the boy and girl while deciding their marriages changed largely due to the experiences got as a result of such marriages. Now both arrange and love marriages are followed.
Many love relationships are objected by parents mainly due to caste differences or
poverty.
Before and after marriage many rituals and customs are followed.
When a
suitable match is found Pechil day (a kind of assurance) is selected. In ‘pechil’
some guests from the bridegroom side would come to the bride’s home. The
parents of bride would receive an already suggested amount from the
bridegroom side as ‘pechil’ (assurance). The bridegroom side would then c
onsider it a sort of guarantee form the family of bride. Just Like Hindu
marriage, the pre-wedding ritual of horoscope matching known as Sitaar
Ralun is followed. The mother of a boy or a girl would visit a pir (priest) for the purpose of match-making. However, this practice has little influence on
the marriage and has disappeared in modern times. However, another ritual of
Hindu marriage Mahurat (auspicious time or day), for fixing the date of
engagement (Nishaen) and marriage in consultation with Pir is . On the day of engagement both families hold music
session in the evening where in Kashmir marriage songs are sung by relatives
and neighbours of bride or bridegroom.
Afterwards on the chief Muslim
festivals: Eid of Ramzaan and Qurbaan, the boy’s family sends presents (Eid
Salaam) to the girl which, in case of high class gentry, are reciprocated with
bigger presents to the boy from the girl’s family. When the day for final
marriage is fixed, the boy’s father sends cash present as Lagan to girl’s father.
For a week before the marriage ceremony, festivals and rejoicings are held
in the houses of both boy and girl. All arrangements are made for marriage and which start with traditional practices of Zeun Falvun (cutting of wood in nearby forest) and Tumal charun (cleaning of rice).These works are still done with the help of neighbours and some close relatives. However, the practice of helping one another in neighborhood on such occasions is gradually declining now.
A tailor is hired before few days of marriage to sew clothes (Wardan) for bride and bridegroom and for some close relatives. Before seven to eight days invitations are issued to relatives and friends and to neighbours before three days of marriage. The people give cash or rice called Dapwien on invitations.Until 2000,the people were orally invited but after 2000 gradually the practice of sending invitation cards came into existence. However, close relatives and neighbours are still orally invited. Also invitation cards stopped the practice of giving Dapwien. However, in oral invitation the practice of Dapwien continues and rice up to 50 kgs or cash of rupees 100 to 200 is given by neighbours and some close relatives.
On the day before marriage ,the boy’s family sends a quantity of Mehendi
dye and some jewellery to the bride who paints her hands and feet with red
colours of Mehendi and wear the jewellery and wedding suits in the mid
Mehendi night. Mehendi night (Manz raat) is celebrated with great
enthusiasm.
Kashmiri singers are hired by bridegroom’s family to entertain
guests. They sing beautiful songs and dance on their own musical tones and
songs.The dancer (Bach Kot) throws a piece of cloth (Dajh trawin) while
dancing on any guest present there making him or her to give some
cash…..The women sing traditional kashmiri songs (Huer) and dance on the
music provided by playing aluminum pots,big plates and by clapping of
hands. Now to Manz raat celebration many new ways have been added. The
children and some times even adults would dance on boll wood songs. At the
mid –night of Manz raat a big tray is decorated with burning candles, flowers,
Mehendi, aloe-sticks (Agarbati ) and rice. In another tray, a big cake with
names of bridegroom and bribe written on it is kept. Then both the trays are
kept on a table in front of the person getting married who sits on a big wedding
chair, hire for marriage. The cake is cut by bride / bridegroom and distributed....among all nears and dears. Then Maternal aunts (Masis) and Paternal aunts (
pofis ) applied hena ( Mehendi ) to the little finger of a bridegroom. Two girls
applied Mehendi on the bride’s hands and another two girls applied Mehendi
on her feet. Nails are also cut at that time. Also some relatives and friends
wrap cash notes on the little finger of bride or bridegroom.On the day of
marriage the guests are served with kashmiri Wazwan with different varieties of dishes.
Wazwan is a multi-course meal in Kashmiri marriages, the preparation of which is considered as an art and a point of pride in Kashmiri culture and identity the person who prepare wazwan is called (waza) in local launguage, wazwan is not prepared by a single person but a group of persons. Because they have to prepare a variety of Dishes, which needs more man power. Famous dishes of wazwan includes, Rista ,yakhne, tabakh maaz, all these dishes are meat-based using lamb or beaf or chicken, with a few vegetarian dishes like kashmiri waaze haakh, nadder, mashroom, chaneh. Wazwan popular throughout the Kashmir..
The tradition of collecting money (Poh) on marriages still continues Before going to bring bride home, bridegroom with some family members,
relatives, neighbours and a priest visits the graveyard to pray for the successful
and happy marriage life and also for his dead relatives.After that he is
acompanied by Baraat party of 40 to 50 men to bride’s home where they serve
Mahraz Dawath.After seven days, the bride is brought back by her parents called ‘Phirsaal’.
However, from past few years phirsaal is arranged a day after marriage. Her
husband and a few persons accompany her. The bridegroom stayed in his
‘Hovur’ for few days.
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